


You reflect in this heart of mine

by merimari



Category: NCT (Band), SM Rookies
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, I promise, Jaeno, Love Confessions, M/M, Romance, a fluff too because it's nomin y'all, caring jeno, first time uploading a fic, i miss nana so much, light angst i guess, lonely jaemin, lucas and jungwoo are here because i love them, nomin, why are there so many tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 20:19:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11448330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merimari/pseuds/merimari
Summary: "If you ever feel alone andThe glare makes me hard to findJust know that I'm alwaysParallel on the other side"-Mirrors by Justin Timberlake





	You reflect in this heart of mine

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Boyce Avenue's cover of J.T.'s "Mirrors" and the absence of Jeno and Jaemin during SM's workshop at Jeju Island.

 

 

'Loneliness' 

A feeling that Jaemin has never come across before.  

When he was still a trainee, he was always surrounded by his hyungs and dongsaengs.  

When he was debuted as NCT, he was always fooling around happily with his Dream team. 

And when he was put on hiatus, he still had Yukhei, Jungwoo, and other trainees with him. 

But now, he feels like he is about to lose them all. 

 

 

\------------------------------------------- 

 

 

**"Do you really have to go, hyung?"**

Yukhei glances up from his shoes to meet a pair of pleading eyes of the younger. Jaemin is standing in front of him, holding a giant black backpack tightly in his arms. A soft smile appears upon Yukhei’s face. 

"What's wrong, Nana?" 

"Jungwoo hyung and Kun hyung haven't been home for almost a week. Others are super busy with their training, and the rest are heading south to Jeju Island..." 

Jaemin starts to utter, averting his eyes to the side and clenching Yukhei's backpack even tighter as he tries to reflect the emptiness that is slowly growing in his heart out loud. 

"You just returned from Thailand less than a month ago but now you're leaving me again." 

"Hyung is very sorry, Nana," the older whispers softly, "something's come up with the company." 

Yukhei stands up and pats the younger's head fondly. He puts his hands out for the backpack but Jaemin quickly backs away while shaking his head in rejection.  

"Can you not go?"  

Yukhei is surprised at the younger's behavior. Jaemin has never been acting like this before. He never whines or complains about anything. The boy always laughs and smiles heartily and optimistically. But today, everything about Jaemin is just totally off. 

 

Suddenly, an almost inaudible sniff breaks out the thoughts and Yukhei frowns. 

"Nana?" He calls out but Jaemin still keeps looking down. Yukhei then decides to bend down.  

By doing that, his heart drops heavily at the sight in front of him.  

"What's going on, sweet pea? Why are you crying?" 

Yukhei quickly reaches out to wipe tears off Jaemin's face. And Jaemin starts to sniff harder. 

"Why is everyone leaving me?" The younger finally lets out a silent cry. He drops Yukhei's backpack and buries his face in his small hands, trying his hardest to stop the cry and the stream of tears that he could no longer hold them back. 

"No! Nana you're wrong!" Yukhei exclaims. He pulls Jaemin into his embrace panically.  "Nobody is leaving you." 

"Then why am I being the only one who got left out here!" 

Jaemin strikes back with a sharp cry. His voice is shaking and his whole body is trembling uncontrollably. 

"Everyone is moving forward while I am being put on halt alone." 

The more Jaemin continues, the more his tears pour down. 

"I can't go out anywhere and nobody's here. Hyung, I-I'm-"   

"Hush, say no more Nana," Yukhei wraps his arms tightly around Jaemin and places the younger's head against his wide shoulder, "please don't cry."  

 

He didn't want to cry. Not in front of Yukhei nor anyone. 

After the fans caught him hanging out with Jungwoo and another trainee, he was prohibited to go out with them. That's why he started to stay inside the dorm more often. 

And for some reason, he'd become scared of seeing people around him leaving the house. 

It was fine at first, but when everyone started to leave the dorm all at once and stopped coming back more frequent than usual – it became terrifying. 

Less and less trainees spend their time at the dorm so he ends up home alone most of the time. Hansol, Kun, Yukhei, and Jungwoo used to stay home and spend their time with him a lot. But things have changed drastically in the past few months.   

 

**_'Nana_ _?'_  **

_It was_ _Jungwoo_ _who turned around and looked at him in confusion._  

_Jaemin then realized that he was holding onto the hem of_ _Jungwoo's_ _shirt as the older was about to walk out the door to catch up with Kun who was waiting at the lobby._  

_'I-I'm sorry_ _hyung_ _,' he quickly let go of  the_ _older's_ _shirt. His face blushed in embarrassment._  

_'Is everything alright, little bean?'_ _Jungwoo_ _softly caressed his cheek with a concern look on his face. 'You look...a bit sad.'_  

_'No._ _I'm totally fine_ _hyung_ _.'_  

_'You sure?'_  

_Jaemin nodded and gave_ _Jungwoo_ _a big grin, '100% positively sure.'_  

_And so_ _Jungwoo_ _had no choice but to smile back and play along._  

_'Alright then, if you said so,' he sighed while running his fingers through the younger's soft hair gently, 'but if anything comes up be sure to let me or_ _Yukhei_ _know okay?'_  

_'I will_ _hyung_ _.'_  

 

But Jaemin didn't let anyone know about his suffering. He thought that he will be okay as long as he holds it inside.  

Eventually, the loneliness started to emerge. And he let it grow simply because he doesn't know how to deal with it. 

Since when did he start to feel lonely? He doesn't even know. When he realized it, his heart is already felt so cold and heavy. 

There are times that he feels like he is drowning in the endless pool of loneliness. 

Jaemin can feel a tight hug from Yukhei. A gentle pat on his back. A deep voice whispering 'everything will be alright' repeatedly in his ear.  

 

He hates himself for acting like a crybaby. 

He hates himself for being too emotional lately. 

He hates himself for making Yukhei and Jungwoo worried. 

And most importantly, he hates himself for feeling lonely.

 

Yukhei's hug is warm but it's not warm enough to fill up the emptiness in his chest. Why does it feel so empty? 

His heart is crying out loud.  

All he really wants is to have someone staying by his side in these lonely days. 

But he doesn't say it to anyone. Not even to Yukhei whom he is crying to. He is already way too immature and too ashamed to whine any further. He doesn't want to be greedy and pulling someone down because of his silliness. 

So in the end, he tells Yukhei to leave and Jaemin is all by himself once again.  

He observes the big and spacious dormitory. It's too big for him. Too spacious for a single person would need. Too empty.  

This place reflects nothing but himself and emptiness. 

It feels so lonely. 

That's not what he wanted to see. He wants to see a reflection of himself and someone. Anyone. Be it Hansol, Kun, Jungwoo, Yukhei, or Jeno. 

 

**_Jeno._ **

Jaemin has no idea why Jeno's name pops up in his head when it's so damn obvious that Jeno is not living in this dorm and he is going to the workshop with the rest of NCT members. 

Or perhaps, he is missing the time he had spent with Jeno. We were never separated since Rookies days. Donghyuck even used to joke around that we stuck together like glue and we didn't do anything but looked at each other and laughed because it was actually true.  

We trained together, attended the same class in high school, and shared a room as roommates for several years. Remarkably, we always spent our free time together. 

Wherever Jaemin was, Jeno was always there by his side. 

Jaemin had never come across loneliness for he always had Jeno. He was never alone until his back condition began to deteriorate. 

 

All of a sudden, he comes to realize that he has been living his life without Jeno for almost a year now. 

Of course, he has always been missing Jeno. He knows that wholeheartedly. But today, for some reason, he misses Jeno a lot. 

He really misses Jeno. He really does. 

The thought of missing Jeno makes him feel heavier. His heart is aching so desperately. He feels so lonely. 

Out of the blue, Jaemin wishes Jeno were here with him. 

Oh no. 

His vision is blurred by the tears again. 

Loneliness sure is scary. And he can't allow it to grow any bigger.  

Jaemin wipes the tears off hastily and quickly drags himself to the bed, curling himself in his favorite white blanket and closing his red and puffy eyes. He doesn't know how to get rid of this heavy and overwhelming feeling. All he can do now is to suppress the loneliness by sleeping it away. 

And hopefully, he wouldn't end up drowning himself in loneliness any deeper. 

 

 

\------------------------------------------- 

 

 

Jaemin feels a touch on his forehead that gently glides over and down his face like a soft feather. He wants to open his eyes to see what it is but his eyelids are too heavy to be forced open.  

Instead, he lets out a quiet groan and quickly slips his hand out to grab that mysterious object on his jawline. Jaemin furrows his eyebrows. 

_It is a hand._

Knowing that, his heart suddenly feels a bit lighter for he is not alone anymore. 

But whose hand is this belongs to? 

It's definitely not Yukhei's because he is sure that Yukhei's hand is rather big and rough.  

While struggling to solve the mystery, he flinches a little from a tender peck on his forehead. Lingeringly and endearingly. 

Surely, neither Kun nor Hansol would do this to him.  

Coming to a conclusion, a slight smile paints on his face. 

 

"Jungwoo hyung," Jaemin murmurs hoarsely and grabs tightly onto the other's hand, "you're finally home." 

Jungwoo doesn't reply his faint greeting but Jaemin doesn't mind at all. He is already delighted to have Jungwoo here with him.  

Jaemin fondly presses his cheek against the older's hand, "I miss you." 

Unexpectedly, Jungwoo flicks a finger on his forehead in return for his affectionate expression.  

"Ow! Hyung, that hurts!" Jaemin whines and covers his upper face entirely. He can feel a slight bump from the flicking. "Meanie," he pouts. 

**"Who's the mean one here?"**

Jaemin freezes. 

His heart starts beating really fast for all of a sudden after hearing a familiar voice resonate in his head.  

 

_No._

 

_No way._

 

_It can't be._

 

"Jaeminnie." 

 

Jaemin squeezes his hands harder and rotates his body to the side. He doesn't want to believe this. He must be dreaming. 

"Jaemin-ah," a deep husky voice keeps calling his name in a soft and adoring tone, "you shouldn't be lying in that position. It's going to hurt your back." 

A pair of sturdy hands carefully flips Jaemin back so that his body is facing up again and it grips his hands forcefully to uncover his face.   

Jaemin still has his eyes closed very tightly but his hands are completely confined by the other's sturdy hands. 

With his eyes closed, he heard a small chuckle from the other person. 

He can feel a hot breath pouring down his face and a light touch on his eyelid, "let me see your beautiful eyes, Nana." 

_Is it really ‘him’?_

Jaemin is afraid to open his eyes. He is scared that this would only be one of his vivid dreams. 

He doesn't want to be disappointed. He already had enough of seeing a reflection of emptiness today. And he doesn’t want to drown himself any deeper. 

"Jaeminnie." A familiar voice keeps calling his name. 

He'd rather stay in the sleep until Jungwoo or Yukhei comes back.  

Still, the yearning to meet ‘him’ is way stronger than fear. 

 

At last, Jaemin forces his eyes open. 

And the first thing he sees is a handsome face of who he's been doubting and missing so badly.  

With his trembling voice, Jaemin softly calls out,  

**“Jeno** **.** **”**  

"Hello sunshine," Jeno shoots his iconic eye smile and a big grin at Jaemin. He lets go of Jaemin's hands and sits still for Jaemin to scrutiny his presence. 

Jaemin runs his fingers through Jeno's face and hair slowly. His hands are shaking. Every touch seems palpable yet so surreal. 

 

"I must be dreaming."  

"Don’t be silly Jaeminnie," the older snorts. He reaches for the younger’s hands and holds them firmly. Yet Jaemin still has his perplexed expression on his face. 

"But this feels surreal." 

"Oh really?" Jeno tilts his head to the side and grins. "How about this?" 

Jeno leans closer to Jaemin and gives the younger a loud peck on his right cheek. Jaemin's eyes widen. "Does this feel real to you?" 

"Yah!" He yells and there goes another loud peck on the other cheek. "Lee Jeno!" 

But the older doesn't stop. He leans in once again, this time, aiming for the peachy lips. 

"Okay! Okay! This is real. Cut it out already!" Jaemin squeaks. His heart beats like a drum. He can literally feel his whole face is burning hot like it's about to explode in any second.  

We are so close to each other. Way too close. 

"Ah, you're all rosy, Nana," an adoring smile spreads on Jeno's face. 

"W-Why are you here anyway?" Jaemin flushes, "shouldn't you be going to Jeju Island with others?" 

He is delighted to see Jeno here but, on top of that, he is confused. 

Jeno shrugs and cautiously holds Jaemin to sit up properly. 

"Well, the workshop is voluntary so everyone can choose whether to attend or not. And I just happened to not participate." 

"What for?"  

Another eye smile flashes on Jeno's enchanting face. 

"You." He says, "I want to see you." 

Jaemin's heart skips a beat.  

Staring at the younger's adorning face, Jeno's smile widens. "You're finally smiling, sunshine." 

Jaemin chuckles lightheartedly. He nods firmly in response, "I really miss you so much." 

"Me too." 

The two cuddle. Like always, Jaemin feels secure within Jeno's embrace. 

"How long will you be staying here?" He asks. 

"As long as possible," Jeno replies as he strokes the younger's back softly, "I will stay here until the others are back from the workshop." 

Jeno furrows his eyebrow as he senses a tight pressure from Jaemin's hug. 

"What's wrong?" 

 

There is a moment of silence between the two before Jaemin pulls away and breaks the silence. 

"Jeno." 

"Yes, Jaeminnie?" 

"I've been feeling lonely lately," the younger finally speaks up, "There are times that I wish someone would stay here with me but that would be too greedy of me so I kept it inside." 

"Somehow I just-," he stutters, "I just feel like I would drown." 

Sitting in silence, Jeno decides to hold the Jaemin's hand.    

"It's alright to feel lonely sometimes, Jaeminnie," he says, caressing Jaemin's palm lightly. 

"I was lonely, too," he admits. 

"We used to always be together but now we rarely see each other. The last time we met was on my birthday." Jeno speaks as he averts his eyes from Jaemin's face to their holding hands.  

"To be honest, I really miss those old times where we spent all of our time together." 

He pauses for a second before he continues. 

"Without you, it feels very lonely." 

Jaemin can feel a tight squeeze on his hand and he squeezes back. 

"But hey, remember what I told you before you moved out of Dream dorm?" 

After hearing the question, Jaemin's doe eyes suddenly brim with tears. His lips press together. He nods faintly. 

Seeing Jaemin's reaction, Jeno decides to hold Jaemin in his arms and Jaemin buries his face against Jeno's wide chest. 

"I'm glad you remember but I'll still repeat it once more." 

Jeno then starts to recite out loud. Word by word. Passionately. 

 

_"Jaemin-ah,_ _"_  

 

_"although we can't always be together like we used to_ _"_  

 

_"_ _just_ _remember that_ _I_ _will_ _always_ _be_ _right here for you_ _"_  

 

_"even if we seems to separate_ _"_  

 

_"just remember that I wil_ _l never lose_ _you_ _"_  

 

_"and if you ever feel lonely_ _"_  

 

Jeno gently touches and lifts the younger's chin up. Jaemin frowns. This sentence didn't exist back then. Jeno looks into Jaemin's teary eyes. He smiles and gently wipes the stream of tears off Jaemin's cheek.  

 

" _or_ _if you ever feel weak_ _"_  

 

**_"just remember_** ** _that I will_** ** _always love you."_**  

 

Jaemin's eyes widens in bewilderment. 

"Jaemin-ah," he whispers, "I've always been in love with you." 

Out of the blue, a warm feeling bubbles inside Jaemin's heart. His heart feels so much lighter.  

 

And Jaemin soon realizes that his heart has never been empty. It has always been occupied by Jeno. 

 

Jaemin doesn't respond right away. Instead, he softly touches Jeno's face, slowly leans forward, and gently plants a kiss on the lips of the older. 

He can hear Jeno's heart beating loud and clear. 

In response, Jeno presses his lips back against Jaemin's firmly and impassionedly. With his arms wrapping around Jaemin's waist, Jeno gives one more affectionate kiss on the forehead. Jaemin pulls away and rests his forehead against Jeno's. 

 

"Do you still feel lonely?" Jeno asks. 

"No," Jaemin shakes his head, "not right now." 

Jeno caresses Jaemin's cheek softly.  

"It's alright to feel lonely sometimes," Jeno repeats his own words and continues, "but don't ever let it outgrows you." 

"But I'm scared of being alone." 

"Trust me, sunshine," the older consoles, "you're not alone." 

Looking right into Jeno's endearing gaze, Jaemin sees himself reflecting in there. 

"Because I'll always be right here."  

And in his own gaze, it also reflects Jeno. 

"We'll pull through this together." 

At that moment, he realized. 

Jeno is right. 

He is not alone.  

 

"Hey, Jeno,"  

"Yes, love?" 

"I love you." 

"I love you too."  

A quick response from Jeno makes Jaemin giggles in glee. 

"And thank you." 

"What for?" 

Jaemin gives Jeno his brightest and sweetest smile.  

"Thank you for being in my heart." 

 

 

\-------------------------------------------  

 

 

'Loneliness' 

A feeling that Jaemin never knew how to deal with before he opened up to Jeno.  

We both feel lonely. 

And it's okay to be lonely.  

Because, deep down inside, Jeno is reflecting in his heart and he is also reflecting in Jeno's. 

Even if we can't see each other, we will definitely have each other. Always. 

 

 

 

END.

**Author's Note:**

> I was on the verge of missing Nana and so i ended up writing this. Also, English is not my native language but i did try my best so please excuse any silly mistakes. Hope you guys like it and feel free to leave kudos and comments here or scream that you miss jaeno/nomin on Twitter @merimarimine <3


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